The Lost Art of Conversation

Personal August 04, 2008

I'm adding this to my list of dislikes. I hate it when people don't respond to instant messages. What's more frustrating is when there's no delay in responding to mundane conversation - but when something interesting comes up, they stop talking. They're quick to say "what's up" and "not much" and "yeah" to maintain small talk, but then they say something that sparks interest like "there's an earthquake tonight" and then take forever to respond to your "WHAT? WHEN?!"

See, the way around that is to just use the phone, but no one does that anymore. It's too purposeful. Clearly most people I interact with don't see IMs as a dedicated conversation tool. I unfortunately do, and therefore tend to engage in IMs when I start one, much to my disappointment. Apparently it's okay to respond to a question 10 minutes later. Or even 20. It's not like you know whether or not they're busy, so you'll just assume that there was a valid reason why they took so long to respond.

On a similar level, why don't some people respond to text messages in a timely manner? Everyone knows that everyone has their phones with them (usually on, unless the battery's dead). So with something so readily available, it's hard to imagine people not getting text messages right away (I suppose sometimes you don't hear it vibrate, but still...). In comparison, I can think of a lot more reasons why you might not respond to an IM than a text message.

I wonder if there's some kind of cognitive dissonance going on that has altered our perception of this increasingly discourteous, nonchalant conversation style. We look at it as a common aspect of today's society, and why not? The apathy exists in so many other places. Of course, if we actually stepped back, thought to ourselves that the long responses times or ignoring was rude and took it personally, then we'd probably have less friends - and who wants that? So we've learned to accept it as part of the times and, in doing so, perpetuate it.

It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong. - Voltaire

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