There's Always Someone Better

Web Culture January 10, 2008

I'll be honest. I only started really programming two years ago. I didn't do anything at all before that. I wanted to make a website, so I went around looking at the source code of other sites, saving copies, changing things and seeing what happened visually.

The only reason why I've been able to do so much in so little time is essentially because I spent nearly every waking minute teaching myself the web programming technology. I didn't like to use anything pre-existing because I wanted to know how everything worked and make it myself. I wrote my own scripts and libraries from scratch, even when others suggested I could use something already made.

When people started calling me a "developer" I laughed it off, maintaining that I wasn't because I didn't consider myself a computer science nerd like the ones I'd met in my classes. In fact, I wasn't even doing well in my computer science classes!

The truth was, however, that I kind of was a developer but didn't know it. I couldn't meet anyone else who coded as fast or as often as me. I was able to come up with an idea for a website and finish the beta version within the evening. I enjoyed writing lots of code and figuring out new algorithms and I often worked "developer-style" - staying up all night with little or nothing to eat because I was so engrossed in the work.

When I got to Apple, however, I started losing my drive to program everyday, mostly because that was precisely my job. And while I was slowly getting more and more discouraged, I was shocked to learn how many people in the technology world actually love programming all the time. My roommate didn't even come home; he slept at work. This wasn't simple eagerness to do well - this was his third summer at Apple on top of the numerous personal projects he made beforehand.

As I looked around, I noticed just how many more people were like him. Some older employees had been doing the same programming job for years and years, declining offers to move to upper management. It was definitely an eye-opener.

I realized then that I wasn't a developer. I liked coding and figuring out how things worked, but there was no way I was going to program for my career. If anything, I was just obsessive - a quality which I still maintain, but on lots of different things.

When I got back to school, I was burnt out. I didn't open a text-editor for weeks. I didn't write a line of HTML. And even a month or so later when I slowly got back on the wagon, I still didn't have the drive I once had.

At Apple, I had to work with a lot of pre-existing Javascript frameworks despite my original lack of desire to do so. But in the process, I realized the benefits. And similarly, just because I enjoy aspects of programming and figuring things out, doesn't mean I need to do it all myself. There are always scripts better than yours and programmers better than you and I'm not at all ashamed to admit that.

Rather, I'm excited at the idea of working with the kind of people I've met - the kind who not only get giddy at the prospect of a new web project but never get tired of sitting down to code it all out. Those are the kind of people I want to be working with.

The same can be said for designers. I also had the opportunity while out in California to meet a slew of ridiculous graphic designers, lightyears ahead of me. I'm sure I could sit down and try to become an expert at Photoshop techniques, but I don't want to. It's not a passion. I'm glad it's theirs - it makes me want to work with them too.

The one thing that I never get tired of being obsessed about is design. Whether it's designing the code (HTML layout, CSS style, PHP backend, MySQL database design, Javascript effects) or designing graphics, page layouts, presentations, print material, writing, music, etc. I never get tired of finding ways to improve things and thinking up new ideas.

I think that's who I really am.

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