The Designer's Social Dilemma

Personal April 16, 2009

In design, it's imperative that you be able to communicate your ideas in a very objective fashion, in a way such that no one can argue with you because what you say is actually correct. Conversely, however, when it comes to emotional subjects and dealing with people, you almost have to do the opposite.

If you were complaining about how a friend was acting or how he/she treated you, you can't say it's "wrong behavior." What's right and wrong when discussing personal interactions and emotions is all defined differently by every person and therein lies the complexity in relationships that we all experience.

The only way that you can really argue a point in an emotional or personal situation is to explain how you feel. No one can deny your feelings - you have the right to feel whatever you do. If you approach a situation by discussing how someone's actions make you feel hurt or sad or angry, then they aren't able to claim you are wrong to feel that way.

So therein lies the social dilemma.

If you're a good designer, you think about the world in a very objective, mathematical way and are always trying to solve problems and make sense of things. You have to remove your own feelings from the work you create. You're solving a problem, not expressing how you feel about the design. If you tell a client "I chose this color because I think it looks cool and it makes me feel happy," you're not doing a good job. Who cares what you think? You're just one person.

Emotions are different; they're unpredictable and they're personal. That's the great thing about art: it's a personal expression of a concept or thought, free from outside constraint. If you approach the social scene in a designer's mindset, you will find a serious disparity. You start explaining how people are *supposed* to behave or what the "rules" of courtesy are and you back up your claims with what you think are completely legitimate, objective reasons.

You know what though? Turns out it doesn't matter what you say. Whatever you think is "right" is only relative to you, even though what you think is "right" in design is actually, objectively, right (assuming you're a good designer).

So that leaves me wondering: how am I really to ever understand the way people interact with one another and feel comfortable with whom I build relationships with when my expectations for social norms are clearly not the same as everyone else?

If I'm objective in everything I do, how do I learn to be subjective?

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